Just Thinking...

I was sitting in bed reading “Captivating” by John & Stasi Eldredge and I felt moved to write. On the cover of the book it says “unveiling the mystery of a women’s soul.” How intriguing! “Women are creatures of great mystery; not problems to be solved but mysteries to be enjoyed!”
I’ve spent a majority of my life playing soccer and in a way trying to prove my masculinity? I’ve always felt a need to prove myself, always striving. I’ve felt like I had to be in control and by being in control that meant being a “tough guy.” But over the past year I have been on an incredible journey. I’m finally beginning to embrace my femininity. I am a woman, full of passion and determination.
I was talking to my Dad in the car on a trip. I was telling him that for so long I was so passionate about soccer. It wasn’t that I was that great of a soccer player, I had speed, but as far as the technical and tactical side of the game went, I was lacking. But I enjoyed the game. I was willing to work hard. I was determined. During my last season I realized that soccer was over for me and something I had been so passionate about for so long had ended.
Only in this past month has it become completely clear that what I’m now entirely passionate about is serving the Lord. I am determined to do His will. And it’s not that I’m a “great” Christian, because I fall short on a daily basis; but I’m simply willing.
I am so excited to get back to the Youth With A Mission base in Townsville, Queensland. Not because of what I think I can do, but because of what I know the Lord can do through me!
The Lord is absolutely amazing, I am so in love with Him and I am so excited to just serve! The Lord’s hand is in everything! He can take a complete disaster and use it for good. He can take all the attacks of the enemy and turn them around to bring Himself glory! How incredible is our Savior! I never cease to be amazed at how He continues to orchestrate His divine plan! He always reveals things at the exact opportune moment.
The unknown is a scary place to be, it’s challenging and difficult. But at the same time it’s exhilarating and worth while! When I first sensed the call of the Lord to do missions, He used the song “Dive” to speak to me, and it really does say it perfectly… “I’m diving in, I’m going deep, in over my head I want to be.”
I want to continue to go deeper with the Lord. I want to rid myself of me and be filled with Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior in every aspect of my life. I want to fulfill the irreplaceable call He has placed on my life to be a woman of God! What a privilege to bear the name of Christ Jesus, what a privilege to be a woman, what a privilege to be called.
The Lord has given each of us an invitation. For me, it is my feminine heart, written by my Creator, to play an irreplaceable role. He has placed dreams, desires, and longings within me that cannot be accomplished on my own, but solely by His divine power and wisdom. In some ways I don’t even know the dreams or desires, but I know there is a yearning within me to play an irreplaceable role.
A couple months ago I looked up the meaning of my name. This was spurred by someone asking me what the meaning of my name was and when I said I didn’t know they encouraged me to look it up. My name comes from my Dad’s middle name Kevin. So I looked up Kevin and changed it to the feminine version and got…“beautiful beloved.” How exciting! I know who I am because I have learned to listen to who the Lord says I am…a beautiful beloved woman of God.